There is a lot of talk lately about toxic people , although this is a somewhat controversial term in the field of psychology. But beyond academic debates, it is likely that our own personal experience shows us the passage of certain toxic people through our lives, although perhaps we would never have thought of it that way.
A good way to deal with toxic people is to be able to recognize them first , through some features they present. As it is usually said, the first step to solve a problem is to recognize it, that is why we will tell you how to recognize a toxic person that has entered your life.
What is a toxic person?
It is difficult to provide an exact definition of the term, but we could explain that a toxic person is one that systematically disturbs the people around him, seeking to impede his well-being .
As it is to suppose and to imagine, within this spectrum they enter an important number of conducts, although surely a person does not exist who reunites all those characteristics (or we believe that).
How to identify a toxic person? Your features
Let's see some issues that may be useful to recognize the attitudes that are most typically habitual in toxic people:
- Toxic people cause negative feelings in one . You may notice that you arrive in a good mood to meet someone but when you leave you feel angry, frustrated or moody. If this occurs regularly, it is possible that it is a toxic person.
- They usually settle in the complaint and do not do much to solve what happens to them ; and they seek to attract people who join their complaints. They have a markedly negative view of things, which can lead you to settle in that place instead of looking for solutions to your problems. This negative look makes them ungrateful with the positive things they might have in their lives.
- They are very focused on themselves and their problems , leaving aside or diminishing importance to what happens to others.
- Usually they do not try to start new things , for what they usually put all kinds of excuses.
- They do not usually take care of their failures , being these the responsibility or fault of the other, or simply bad luck. This is related to the belief of being superior to others, which generally leads to behaviors or disqualifying said towards others. This leads to prejudging people, usually negatively
- They feel very envious of the achievements of others and do not value them.
- They may be prone to lying , so that these lies generate a lot of pain for people.
What do toxic people provoke us?
Another way to detect a toxic person in our life is in terms of the feelings or states that we generate contact with them. We must bear in mind that sometimes we ourselves can not see this clearly and that a person close to us may perceive it, so we must be open to their advice.
A toxic person can generate some of these behaviors in you:
- It becomes the center of your thoughts and of many conversations, this causes that in your mind every time you gain more power, worsening your self-esteem and your mood.
- You can not relax or enjoy other activities, if -for example- you do not stop thinking about a partner or boss who makes you work crazy, even when you are in your free time.
- It reduces your self-esteem if you "buy" your negative vision of yourself.
- It makes you react uncontrollably, makes you become violent or irascible.
- You avoid going to places or - if you have no other choice - you feel very bad -even physically- when you should be with that person.
- You place it as the center of all your problems, depositing in that person all the responsibilities.
- You end up catching your attitude or lowering yourself to their level, doing negative things that are not your own.
Other signs and obvious traits that we are dealing with a toxic person
1. They only worry about themselves
One of the characteristics that best define toxic people is their EGO . It does not matter what I have done or if they have done you a lot of damage. They will only worry that their personal pride and vanity remain intact. And if for that they have to belittle you or insult you, they will do it without any kind of taboo.
The worst part is that afterwards they justify this negative attitude, alleging that you have been the cause of this reaction. Therefore, toxic people will never admit that they have been guilty in any of their actions and they do not realize that these can have consequences in the lives of people.
Anyway, if at the end they recognize their error, they will admit it to keep quiet and do not bother them again. But once they have the opportunity to do so, they will never last to act as they wish and always thinking of their own benefit.
2. They are quite envious
Toxic people are never happy for the good of others , even if it comes from your partner or closest friends. They have such a large void, they have to fill it through misfortunes or other people's problems. In this way, they can feel better in the short term.
However, when they see that other people do well in any area of their lives or that they are savoring the honeys of success in the professional field, toxic people often criticize them and feel a strong envy. Given this, many of them think: "How is it possible for me to do better?"
Moreover, these types of people are able to do everything in their power so that anyone around them fails. In this way they get a feeling of pleasure and well-being that can last a couple of days.
3. They are pessimistic and negative by nature
A toxic person will always blame everything that happens to anyone in their environment . If they have a problem they do not know how to get out of, they victimize themselves from their own situation. It is also very common for them to complain about their bad luck and how much their long life has accompanied them.
Discover: How toxic bosses affect our health and how to deal with them
All this without mentioning that when they make a mistake, it is very difficult to be recognized. As we have explained in the first point, they put their ego and vanity before any person or situation. Hence, it is extremely difficult to make them see reason. It does not matter what we do. They will continue in 'their thirteen' and will not give their arm to twist just by staying above us.
Another aspect to take into account this type of personality is that it does not matter if we distance ourselves from them. They really do not have any interest in us. And it's a matter of time before they find another 'victim' who is willing to put up with their character.